I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
