Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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