there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
