Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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