I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
