You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
