we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
