why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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