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Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
