i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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