i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can I color on your dick again?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
