My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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