woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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