I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sorry about my life...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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