My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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