I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
