when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
