There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
