I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
