what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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