I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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