you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
