What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
