me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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