I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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