so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
