My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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