Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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