At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
