I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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