I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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