Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
