hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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