just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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