There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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