I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
