it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
