Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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