I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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