It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
