Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
