can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
