big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
