You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
