So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
