she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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