It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
