I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
