So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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