my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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