we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
