Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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