Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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