Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
