I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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